


Life matters

by Ozpin_Lover_MP



Category: RWBY
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 12:25:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17960486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ozpin_Lover_MP/pseuds/Ozpin_Lover_MP
Summary: A Beacon student commits suicide, Ozpin is upset, Ironwood is an idiot, and Bartholomew is kind.





	Life matters

**Author's Note:**

> Major trig warning: They talk about suicide in this.

The low hanging clouds and thundering rain seemed to match the mood, Ozpin thought absentmindedly, looking at the sky through the window in his office. 

He tried to take a sip of his hot chocolate, only his hand was shaking. 

Ozpin put the mug down on his desk, and gently rubbed his arm. 

It was okay, he told himself. Everything was going to be okay. It was just a little adrenaline. He could deal with that. 

He turned and caught sight of the paper on his desk. 

_ “Beacon student commits suicide”  _

He sighed. 

How had not noticed? He should have noticed! He should have seen the signs. 

He was starting to shake again. Oh. Okay. Deep breath in. Count to five. Breath out. Count to seven. Repeat. 

Okay. He could do this. Everything would be okay. He just had to get through a few days of one of his major triggers being talked about everywhere. No big deal. It would be fine. He could do this. 

He was going to be fine. 

Unlike that poor student…

The elevator pinged. Glynda and Ironwood stepped out. 

Right. They were supposed to be meeting to organise what to say at the student’s public funeral. 

...

“They were weak, they deserved it,” Ironwood muttered. 

“I’m sorry?” Ozpin asked.

“I said they were weak. They were a coward, and they were selfish!” Ironwood exclaimed. 

“Shut up,” 

“Huh?” 

“I said shut up,” Ozpin repeated himself a little louder. His hands were shaking a little. 

“Look, I’m just saying that committing suicide is extremely unkind to all their friends and family-” 

“Shut up!” Ozpin yelled. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” 

“I think I do-“

“No, no you don’t. You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know what it’s like to wake up every day, dreading having to get up. You don’t know what it’s like to lie awake for hours at night, not being able to sleep. You don’t know what it’s like to remove yourself so much from society that you can’t feel anything anymore. To feel so alone, even when surrounded by friends. You… you don’t know what it’s like to actually believe the world would be better off without you!” Ozpin choked back a sob. 

“So you don’t get to talk about suicide like you know what it’s like. Because it’s horrible, it’s like drowning, it’s suffocating. You can’t understand the desperation that drives you to the edge. The feeling of freedom that you get once you choose to jump. And then the regret, all the regret that comes once you realise that it’s too late, you’re falling,

“Because I do understand. And it’s the most horrifying that can happen to a person. And one of my students was going through that and I didn’t even notice!” Tears were running down Ozpin’s face. He turned away, ashamed. 

Ironwood took a step back, shocked. “You’ve tried to commit suicide?” he asked quietly. 

“I managed,” was Ozpin’s bitter reply. He twirled around and stormed off to the elevator. 

Once inside, he leant his forehead against the wall. Damn! He was a fool! Why on earth had he just told Ironwood that? He knew Ironwood’s opinion on suicide! Now Ironwood was going to hate him! Or at least lose his trust in him… has he just lost a friend by losing his temper? 

His felt his breath hitch. 

Right okay. He was starting to panic. Deep breath in, count to five. deep breath out, count to seven. Deep breath in, count to five, deep breath out, count to seven. 

Deep breath in, count to five, deep breath out, count to seven. 

The elevator pinged again, and Ozpin stumbled out. 

“Ozpin?” 

Oh, Barty was here. 

“Hello,” Ozpin mumbled, wiping his eyes on a sleeve. 

Barty opened his arms, and Ozpin gladly accepted the hug. Bartu gently guided him away from the elevator. 

“Do you want to go and sit outside?” Barty mumbled. 

Ozpin nodded. 

A few minutes later they were sitting outside in the teacher’s garden, against the wall. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Barty asked softly. 

Ozpin nodded. “I… it’s just that student…” he didn’t need to tell Barty who he was talking about. It was obvious. “I didn’t notice. How could no one notice? Barty… I’ve been there…” 

Barty hummed and gently rubbed his back soothingly. 

“And I… in the past… it was a long time ago… I killed myself,” 

“Oh Oz,” Barty held him close. “That is terrible, I’m so sorry,” 

“and just now… in the meeting… I blurted it out to Ironwood of all people! He… I  _ know _ his opinion on suicide… I’m such an idiot,” 

“You’re not an idiot,” Barty soothed. “It’s impressive that you even have the strength the talk about it now. You… don’t have to answer… but you’re not feeling suicidal anymore?” 

“Don’t worry, I’m not,” Ozpin whispered. “I like my life here; I’ve learnt… am learning to accept my past mistakes and to come to terms with what has happened… and I care very deeply about all of you,” 

“We love you too,” Barty mumbled, “and the world would never be better off without you, whatever your brain tells you,” 

“I… thank you,” Ozpin whispered. 

Just then the door to the garden opened. Ironwood and Glynda walked in. 

Ozpin hid his face on Barty’s shoulder. 

Ironwood crouched down in front of him. “Oz I am so so sorry,” he began, “I would never have said those things if I had known. I hope you can forgive me,” 

Ozpin mumbled something onto Barty’s shoulder. 

Ironwood gave Barty a look, and Barty shrugged. 

“I said I don’t like holding grudges,” Ozpin repeated, lifting his face slightly. 

“And for the record, I don’t think you’re weak,” Ironwood added, placing a hand on his shoulder, “I don’t know what you’ve been through, but it must have been terrible to push you… to that…” 

Glynda joined them on the floor. 

“We love you and respect you and nothing can change that,” she added, placing a hand on his knee.


End file.
